A friend of mine recently told me that she has been feeling lonely lately. Despite having numerous “close” friends, people that she’s known for many years— she feels isolated and alone. Her friends are lax about reaching out, even if they don’t see her for weeks at a time. If she doesn’t want to go out to see them due to the health issues she wrestles with, there isn’t a chance for true companionship, as they don’t make much of an effort to visit her when she stays in.
She feels alone. Rejected. Misunderstood.
It’s hard to figure out how to stop feeling lonely when every attempt you make for fellowship is to no avail.
Sadly, her story isn’t much different from a lot of others. Since the height of the COVID pandemic in 2020, many of us can relate to this feeling of isolation and unasked for solidarity.
And, like my friend, whether we’re introverted or not— we’re sick of it.
What is loneliness?
Loneliness is different from being alone. When we are alone, that means we are physically by ourselves, with no one else. Sometimes this is by choice.
Loneliness, however, is a state of mind. It’s the feeling of not being seen, heard, and understood. We can be lonely whether we are physically alone, or we can be lonely when we’re in a room full of hundreds of people.
No matter the personality type, or whether we’re outgoing or introverted, loneliness is a real feeling that any of us can feel, depending on the situation at hand.
What does the Bible say about loneliness?
When looking in the Bible, the word “alone” is used a lot, but many times it’s used in reference to the power of God.
O Lord of hosts, God of Israel, enthroned above the cherubim, You are the God, You alone, of all the kingdoms of the earth; You have made heaven and earth. (Isaiah 37:16 ESV)
Let them praise the name of the Lord for His name alone is exalted; His majesty is above earth and heaven. (Psalm 148:13 ESV)
The word “alone” is rarely used in reference to people.
“Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. ”
David speaks of feeling lonely (Psalm 25:16), which is no surprise when we think about how much time he spent fleeing and hiding from King Saul and his army of men who sought his life.
No doubt Elijah was probably feeling lonely as he hid from evil Ahab and Jezebel in a cave. After taking out their prophets at Mount Carmel, they were fed up with Elijah and sought to kill him. Elijah spoke to the Lord, saying that he alone was the last of the prophets of the Lord (1 Kings 19:10). He feared for his life and felt he was standing alone against the world.
David and Elijah were both physically alone and lonely. And, for many of us, it’s when we are also alone and lonely that we forget one of the most important truths we should cling to.
God is With Us
We can easily become overwhelmed, depressed, and anxious when we focus more on our situation, the lack of participants in our lives, and our feelings— instead of focusing on the fact that God is with us.
I believe the reason why the Bible doesn’t use the word “alone” when referring to His people is that we truly aren’t alone. The Word constantly reminds us that the Lord is with us wherever we go (Joshua 1:9). He is beside us and goes before us. He never leaves us or forsakes us (Deuteronomy 31:6).
“At my first defense no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me. May it not be charged against them! But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.”
As Paul so eloquently stated in 2 Timothy 4:17, the Lord stood by him and strengthened him. And, He does the same for us.
Dealing with loneliness
If you’re in the midst of loneliness now, whether you’re surrounded by loved ones, or you’re physically alone— and you’re wondering how to stop feeling lonely, just know that you are not alone (no pun intended!). There are many in your shoes, walking out the same struggle as you.
Thankfully, there is so much hope in the Lord in this area. Through prayer, His Word, and other people, He's given us tools to help us navigate these waters. But most importantly, He's given us His strength as He walks beside us.
15 Things to Do when you're lonely
If you’re wondering what to do when you’re lonely, here are 15 practical tips you can put into practice today.
#1: SEEK THE LORD.
Above all, this is the number one thing to do. When you seek Him, He reveals Himself to you in ways you cannot imagine. He wants you to know Him truly and deeply.
#2: DON’T FORSAKE YOUR DAILY QUIET TIME.
Make time to sit in His presence, no matter how you’re feeling. It’s much easier to binge-watch Netflix so you don’t feel lonely, but superficial entertainment doesn’t compare to inundating your mind and soul with the Lord’s goodness.
#3: SPEND TIME IN PRAYER.
Loneliness often stems from feeling you have no one to talk to. Why not exchange words with the One who created you? He hears you, wants you to come before Him, and will hang onto your every word.
#4: FIND REFUGE IN THE LORD.
God is your hiding place and your protector. When you seek Him, He gives you all you need to grow in your faith and trust in Him more. In the vulnerability that loneliness brings, rest assured that you can find safety in Him.
#5: LINK ARMS WITH 1-2 OTHER PEOPLE.
There’s so much power in a godly friend. All it takes is for 1 or 2 sisters to make an effort to reach out to you on a regular basis— to say hi, offer encouragement, or see how you’re doing— to make you feel less isolated.
If you don’t have someone who does this for you, I’d encourage you to ask. It may seem awkward to request this of someone, especially if you aren’t particularly close, but in this process, the Lord will use her to uplift you, and He’ll cultivate a close relationship between you two. It’s a win-win.
#6: DON’T FORSAKE FELLOWSHIP WITH OTHER BELIEVERS.
The Lord doesn’t want us to live in isolation— that’s where our idle thoughts can take us to dark places, and fear and anxiety can grow. Go to church, join a small group, and make an effort to get out and about.
#7: GUARD YOUR HEART AND MIND.
Be mindful of what you’re allowing into your sense gates. God calls us to guard our hearts and our minds (Proverbs 4:23; John 14:27). There are many influences that surround you, but they need to be filtered out. The world will distract you from remembering God’s truth and His promises for you.
#8: SPEND TIME STUDYING THE PSALMS.
The Psalms is a great place to go when you are feeling lonely. David and the other psalmists share raw thoughts, feelings, and emotions as they deal with deep sadness, isolation, and fear. Yet, hope is always right around the corner.
#9: REMEMBER THE LORD IS ALWAYS WITH YOU.
We know this, but we often forget. Ask Him to help you feel His presence. Take time to study Bible verses about God being with us: Deuteronomy 31:6; Isaiah 41:10; Psalm 23:4; Psalm 139:7-10; Joshua 1:9; 1 John 4:16; Psalm 16:11
“So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.”
#10: DON’T SEEK FALSE INTIMACY WITH SOCIAL MEDIA.
Drowning in other people’s lives may make you feel less lonely, but this is false intimacy. Eventually, seeing so many happy faces on your social feeds will let thoughts creep in that whisper things like you are the only one who is alone and feeling this way. Everyone else is having fun except you. You are missing out.
If you struggle with these types of thoughts, I suggest avoiding social media until you’ve established deeper friendships off-screen.
#11: INVITE SOMEONE OVER.
It may have to be you who takes the first step. Don’t wait for someone to offer to visit you. Be daring– you invite. You ask. You host. Even if it feels overwhelming at first, you’ll be so glad for the company.
#12: GO TO “THAT THING” EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE IT.
It can be hard to go to an event where we believe we’ll feel anxious or even more lonely. However, I find that when I go places I don’t initially feel like going to, I leave feeling refreshed and renewed. Sometimes it’s because I met someone new or had an interesting conversation. Other times, it’s because I’m simply proud of myself for doing something that was a little difficult to do!
#13: BE HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH.
Vulnerability is key. It’s not easy. It’s uncomfortable, for sure. But, you know what? Vulnerability connects people. It allows others to see into the depths of your soul, see your hurt, and feel your pain. It allows the other person to relate and empathize with you, and when that happens you’ll no longer feel so lonely.
#14: ACCEPT HELP.
Don’t think that you can do everything on your own, including combat your loneliness. Let others in. There are people in your life who would love to help you if you’d only ask. And, if they offer– don’t turn them away! Helping you will likely bring them joy, and who knows– maybe they’re feeling lonely too.
#15: JOURNAL.
Journaling is a great way to get all of the thoughts swirling around in your head onto paper. It’s freeing to get them out, especially if you're dealing with anxious thoughts. Write your prayers to the Lord and ask Him to meet you where you are. He will.
Or, list the things you’re grateful for having and the people you’re grateful for knowing. Look back at the end of each day and write down things you’re glad the Lord has given you, or the situations He’s put you in.
“You make known to me the path of life, in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”
The Lord is bigger than your loneliness
When dealing with loneliness, please remember that the Lord is bigger than what you’re feeling. He’s strong enough to handle it and take care of it for you. Let Him in. He wants you to feel His presence and lean on Him during this time. Trust that His plans and purposes for you are good.
But, you have to want it, sister. You have to want to not be lonely anymore. Don’t wallow in it. Be purposeful about what you’re letting influence your thoughts and feelings, especially when you’re alone. Time by yourself is good, but be aware of how much time you’re allowing yourself to be alone.
And, when that loneliness begins to creep in again, remind yourself that God is with you. He will never leave you or forsake you.
