I am not single. Let’s just get that out there right at the beginning. I’ve been married to my husband since 2008, and even prior to that, we dated for over 7 years before getting married. Needless to say, it’s been a LONG time since I’ve thought of myself as “single”. So, why am I writing an article from the perspective of singleness? In fact, my single friends may be wondering, “What does she even know, or remember?”

The Lord prompted my heart to share some thoughts, answering these questions: if I could go back and talk to my single self in the past, how would I encourage myself? What do I wish I’d known back then that would have a powerful impact during my single life?

I don’t want to pretend that I know what it’s like to be single or dating in our current times, but I do know this--

God’s Word is timeless and unchanging, and what He’d encourage us to do through His Word is the same now as it was back then.

Hey there, single Christian woman.

Raise your hand if you see posts, photos, and selfies everyday of your friends and family members’ birth announcements, weddings, boyfriends, ________ (fill in the blank). These images are never-ending and easily become ingrained in your head, so much so that you can begin to covet the lives of those you love because you long to have certain elements of their life.

You love them and you’re excited for them, but when will it happen for you? When will that special someone you’ve been waiting for show up at your doorstep? When will you be swept off of your feet as he gets down on one knee and delivers the perfect proposal?

Well, single Christian friend— here are a few things you should know.

#1: You can find contentment in singleness.

The more you see the so-called perfect lives of others, the less you become content with your own. But, this is not what God has called you to. Paul states that he learned to be content in whatever state he was in (Philippians 4:11). This is hard to do on your own.

But if you keep reading, just two verses down in Philippians 4:13, Paul explains how he can be content no matter the situation.

““I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” ”

— Philippians 4:13

It’s Christ’s strength that makes your contentment possible because He is your Contentment.

You should look to Him and no other person or life situation. When you’ve seen one too many “happy couple” IG posts, remember that it’s to Him you should be looking instead. Once your focus is in the right place, you can find joy in your single life.

#2: Focus on God’s grace.

As a single Christian woman, use this time in your life as a single to run hard after the Lord. Submit to Him and thank Him for whatever life stage you’re in. 1 Peter 1:13-15 says,

“Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior.”

This verse tells you to make ready your mind; reject the hindrances of the world and focus instead on God’s grace. Be sober (minded)—this means not intoxicated or under the influence of the various pleasures or eye candy of the world (i.e., that social media stuff we just talked about!).

Then, you will have a mental clarity and moral decisiveness based on the Word, not your circumstances.

#3: Use this time to pursue the Lord in prayer.

We see so many times in scripture where Jesus spent time alone in prayer. (Jesus was single too, by the way.)

Colossians 4:2 says, “Continue earnestly in prayer, being vigilant in it, with thanksgiving.” Continue earnestly-- in Greek this means to be courageously persistent, to hold fast, and not let go. Are your prayers earnest and persistent, believing God for what you know He can do? Vigilant means to stay alert for specific needs and not be unfocused.

You are to bring EVERYTHING before Him in prayer. Filter every decision through the Holy Spirit. You shouldn’t be living a life of #NoFilter. Fully walk in His ways and according to His promptings. If you struggle to hear Him, then start by praying for a better listening ear to hear the Spirit in your day-to-day walk.

Come to Him in prayer with a humble heart, confessing your sins. Don’t hide. Ask that He would give you a heart that does not self-seek, but exists to glorify Him alone.

Prayer will draw you closer to Him. Sometimes women don’t like to be single because it’s lonely or they simply feel like they are alone.

Use this time in your life to get to know the God who created the Universe. You have no one greater to be all wrapped up in. As you spend time with Him and become more aware of His presence, you’ll truly know that you are never alone.

#4: Spend time worshipping Him.

The more you worship the Lord, the more you see He is great, faithful, loving, and all-powerful. Dwell in the book of Psalms and bask in the goodness of the Lord.

Who gave you your beauty? The Lord. Why do we as women yearn so much for others in this world to notice our beauty? We take pictures, post selfies, and wait for the likes to roll in. Women have the tendency to look for acceptance in all the wrong places.

But Psalm 45:11 says, “So the King will greatly desire your beauty. Because He is your Lord, worship Him.” This doesn’t just mean your physical beauty, but He sees and knows your most inward parts/your heart, and still calls you beautiful.

Dwelling on His faithfulness helps put your heart in the right place to want to be faithful to His Word.

#5: Don’t be afraid to ask.

Jesus invites you to ask of Him the things we want. You can bring any need or want to Him-- not just the big life decisions, which is what we have a tendency to do. Check out Matthew 7:7-11:

““Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!””

— Matthew 7:7-11

Have you ever asked Jesus what you should have for lunch? I’m not trying to be funny. Really, have you? Or do you, like many of us, go about your day making the bulk of your own decisions because you think there’s no way He could possibly be interested in hearing about the “little things” you have to decide all day?

Maybe you think, He doesn’t have time for that.

I think we Christian women should practice remembering that our God is bigger than that. He may not answer your requests in the way that you think or want, but He wants you to come to Him with everything. This is total reliance on Him.

#6: Seek the Lord.

But, ultimately and firstly, He wants you to seek HIM. And, when you do seek Him (genuinely and wholeheartedly), He promises you that you will find Him (Deuteronomy 4:29).

The Lord wants to be found. He isn’t hiding. He wants you to seek Him passionately, with your heart, and with all you have— with your soul. When you do this, you will find Him.

Maybe you have a love interest here on this earth, and you know his favorite color, what kind of car he drives, his favorite coffee shop, things that excite him in life—but do you know those things about God? Not literally those things, of course, but do you truly and deeply know who God is, at His core?

Or, have you been so focused on others, even just focused on what God can/could/should do for you, that you’re missing the most important facet of your relationship with Him?

Seek to know who He is deeper than just a surface level. You’re fully known to Him, and He wants you to know Him too.

#7: Be prepared to wait on the Lord.

That “ W” word. Yup, life is like that. Sometimes we have to wait.

“Delight yourself also in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4).

If you’ve prayed and you have a desire to be married someday, there’s a good chance it was the Lord who put that desire in your heart. Now, you just have to wait for His timing.

And, while waiting, delight yourself in Him, as the verse says. Waiting can be hard. However, instead of focusing on whatever you’re waiting for, it’s crucial that during this time you’re focused on Him, His goodness, faithfulness, and the fact that He holds true to His promises. His word never returns void (Isaiah 55:11).

#8: God is working behind the scenes in your life, sister.

Remember sister, you were created on purpose. You are not defined as being a “single Christian woman.” He has a purpose and a plan for your life. He’s working behind the scenes in ways you cannot see, and He’s working right in front of your eyes.

Don’t miss it. Don’t miss the forest for the trees. Don’t be so focused on what you don’t have or what you’re waiting for that you miss all the goodness of who the Lover of your soul truly is.

He is the One who loved you first. Before time began. Before your parents. Before the man He’ll bless you with someday. Bask in His radiance and His glory. Be so caught up in thinking about Him that no other “hims” fill your mind.